Black History Month & Beyond: Honoring our Ancestors with Radical Self-Love
/by Kai Belton
This month is Black History Month, and as a Black woman, I am always excited about shining a light on the beauty of Blackness. Black is beautiful all year long but this month we are illuminating our history, our strength, and our brilliance. Because oppression has been this constant light dimmer, we can forget how beautiful we truly are. In celebration of Black History Month, I welcome you to join me in honoring our ancestors by practicing radical self-love. Radical means, “to affect the fundamental nature of something” and self-love means, “to show regard for one's own well-being and happiness.” Together, we are taking radical action on the way that we love and treat ourselves. In a society where we are made to feel invaluable and unloved, we are disrupting systems of oppression by showing ourselves the love and kindness we deserve. The ancestors that we celebrate knew our value and the beauty of our Blackness. Sometimes we forget that the brilliance and resilience they possessed lives within us. We need to remind ourselves of this and honor them by finding radical ways to love ourselves. I will share three ways we can do this together, acknowledging that this may not apply to everyone and there are many ways to practice radical self-love.
1. Let our light shine bright.
Sometimes we can feel like we don’t belong in certain spaces and dim our light to make others comfortable. We don’t always use our voice for fear of sounding unintelligent or not as smart as others. We receive these messages from society and internalize these negative messages that create self-doubt. From this moment forward, anytime you are doubting yourself in any space listen to the voices of your ancestors. Their voices are saying, “You belong in every space you are in. Everything you have to say is valuable. Your voice matters.” Shine your beautiful light and embrace the power within you. As I am writing this, the spiritual, “This little light of mine” is playing in my head. I sometimes, sing it when I’m going into spaces that make me uncomfortable. I offer this to you just in case you need it one day.
2. Show yourself some compassion.
As Black people we can have complicated relationships with ourselves. We are trying to navigate who we are in this world and how we show up. We can be extremely hard on ourselves questioning the way we look, our actions, and our emotions. Should I wear my braids to this meeting? Did I sound angry? Should I feel upset that he questioned my credentials? We should feel the freedom to be who we are and not think twice about it. We need to find peace in expressing how we feel and what we feel. You are an exquisitely beautiful being and deserve the same kindness and compassion you show others. Always give yourself grace because you deserve it. I like to practice love and kindness affirmations when I am not feeling my best. I put my right hand over my heart, my left over my right and say these words out loud: “I am worthy of love and respect. I accept me just as I am. I am free to let go of other peoples’ judgements.” I offer this practice to you, as well.
3. Spend some time practicing wellness.
The hustle and grind culture has us doing way too much with very little rest. Yet we are stuck in this space where we are feeling like we must do more. We have the responsibility of family, careers, and normal life challenges while navigating racism and systems of oppression. The long-standing health disparities are no secret to our community and they create a state of vulnerability that can’t be ignored. We must take radical action and love ourselves enough to survive and thrive. Certain practices such as therapy, yoga, or mindfulness meditation can be perceived as being for “them” and not for “us”. Any practice that helps nourish your mind, body, and soul is for you. You deserve to be well. I have practiced mindfulness meditation for over 5 years and recently became a facilitator. As a social worker, trauma survivor, and single mother, this practice has been transformational in my life. This practice allows me to find comfort and safety within myself whenever I need it. It also allows me to be still, listen, and reflect on what is happening in my mind and my body. I invite you to try this short practice with me to connect with our ancestors as we start our journey of radical self-love:
• Close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
• Visualize the people who came before you.
• Name the people who fought hard for you to be where you are. You aunt, your grandmother, Harriet Tubman…whoever comes to mind.
• Hold your hands out palms up welcoming them in and connect to them
• Feel them in your heart. Say thank you or anything else you feel you need to
• They are here to help you on journey.
• Together with your ancestors repeat these words as many times as you need to
• I resist by loving myself unconditionally
My hope is that you embrace this Radical Self Love invitation not just this month but always. Black History Month is nationally recognized in February, but our history lives in our hearts. Yes, there is a lot of pain that is associated with our past but there is so much more to our story. There is love, strength, and resilience. We have the power to write the next chapters of our story by learning from our ancestors and truly embracing the beauty within us. Remember to shine that bright light of yours everywhere you go.
Kai is a Community Social Worker, Wellness Activist, and Healing Artist. Kai has spent the last 15 years advocating for Black Mental Health and Wellness.