Practicing Self-Love with Trauma

by Maria Diaz-Islas

I once heard in a podcast[1] that practicing gratitude helps you live longer. While this made sense to me as a psychology student who understands that boosts in dopamine might help counteract the constriction of blood vessels due to cortisol, the concept of mere thoughts adding years to people’s lives still seemed far-fetched.

But practicing gratitude has to do with more than simply preserving our longevity, it’s also a way of healing. Feeling thankful for our bodies, senses, and surroundings can be used as a coping mechanism that helps bring us to a more present-state and allows us to feel like ourselves again. Such practices are vital to the processes of healing from trauma.

Trauma is not something that needs to be “fixed.” The healing process is not one in which our lived experiences will magically disappear. Many utilize variations of phrases such as “we are not what has happened to us” to remind us that just because we carry these stories does not mean that they define us. In the “Understanding Healing and Trauma: Perspectives from Trauma-Informed Mindfulness and Embodied Practices” day retreat with Sandrine Harris and Vamsi Koneru, I learned that although trauma is deeply intersectional, we must learn to navigate life as it resides within us once we’ve acknowledged that the survival mechanisms we’ve previously adopted are no longer useful.

I’m not the kind of person who loves the “silver lining” ideology when it comes to such topics. It can be distressing when those who struggle with reliving their traumatic experiences feel forced to learn something valuable from them when it never should have happened to them in the first place. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t look for positives when exploring your past, rather that for some there are situations in which it’s simply not appropriate.

So how might one heal from trauma when facing their demons head-on might be more hurtful than helpful? Some surround themselves and make connections with others who have similar lived experiences. They might listen to other’s stories[2]. Many allow themselves to feel all of the feelings that come naturally. Instead of trying to pry oneself open, one might show oneself love, whether it be through physical forms of affection or emotional/spiritual ones. People allow themselves to feel love from others, because as Vamsi said, “the most powerful therapy [for humans] is human love.” Some pay attention to their surroundings slowly and intentionally, and celebrate life through movement and dance. Others use their imagination to express aggression internally in a way that feels safe and controlled.

They take their stories back.

Learning to recover is easier said than done. In my experience, gratitude is the easiest first step. You don’t have to be grateful for all the things that have ever happened to you. You don’t have to find a silver lining if that’s not what feels comfortable. It’s all about starting in a place that feels natural and creating a life that you enjoy living.

Maria Diaz-Islas is a Psychology student at the University of Connecticut (minoring in gender studies and family sciences) with plans of becoming a mental health counselor. She is driven by intersectional activism and brings her passion for empowering others to her work as a Spring 2021 Intern with Copper Beech Institute. Some of her other published work involves activism against nuclear violence and poetry.

She can be reached most easily at maria.diaz-islas@uconn.edu.

Footnotes:

[1] Please note that this podcast briefly mentions Thanksgiving in a positive light, which may be upsetting to some (particularly Native Americans/American Indians and Indigenous Peoples).

[2] Please note that this episode of Midnight Gospel utilizes animation that may be off putting or considered inappropriate for younger audiences. The script is based off a podcast previously created by Adventure Time writer Pendleton Ward. It is my hope that your attention will be drawn towards the conversation happening between Clancy and Trudy rather than the animation (although, I personally find it beautiful).